Suprise?

Aight, so finally, I have made up my mind to resign. Its not a last minute decision thing, in fact I have thought about it long and hard enough.. at least..

Been working in this Hotel for 3 years, got my ups and downs, met alot of interesting people. But fuck, I have been underpaid for these 3 years, not to mention that I worked like there is no tomorrow for this company. Reward? Yes, been promoted but so? Its still not enough as I have prove that I am worth more than that.

Nothing wrong with my colleagues and people around me. All are great people, its just that the management style of this company finally ring a wake up call in my head. Yeah, I have spoke to some people about my decision, mostly are my duty managers. Their advice is, not to resign without having another proper job. Why dont secure a job first before resigning? Good advice, and that is exactly the same thing I told myself at the beginning of 2009. And now, 2010, I am still here..

Risky? Yeah, so it seems. Looking at the situation now, its STILL ESPECIALLY HARD to get a job for foreigner. Taking a step like this might not be a wise move. Looking back, I have screwed up alot of my interview JUST BECAUSE I do not have a PR status.

So the question is, why still make this decision then? My answer....I just have to. If I continue to play on the safe side, my life will forever be mediocre. After I resign, I am sure I will get another job, because I know, human beings will get what they really desire if they want it bad enough.. that is, when you are pushed to the limits with no where to turn. Playing at the safe side is just so not me. I live on the other side of "SAFE" all along and I have lived well there. Maybe, this 3 years, I am starting to get comfortable..

While I still can, I will do what I think is the right path for me.. Afterall, normal and safe are for mediocre.

My Feeling's Metaphor..

Still surviving under gunfire. Making my kills every night. The moonlight shines through the corpse, and all I see is red. Is there any sanity left in me, if the only way to survive is kill. I will fight till the end of time. Not enjoying the battlefield but waiting for the rising sunlight at dawn to shine on me..

2010

First post in 2010, been procastinating for sometimes before updating this blog. 2010.. how time flies.. 27 this yrs.. Looking back at my life, nothing much accomplished. Got my ups and downs. Have decided a few of things that I must achieved before this years end. To put my life back in tracks, the first thing I need to do is to quit my hotel job. Been there for 2 and a half years. Not bad, leanrt my stuff. I can see that if i invest more time in it, few more years on the road, I will be reaching to higher level in this line. But, if i think further, even if i reached to the heights i want in this line, its not going to bring me to my life-long ambition. That's why, I have decided, regardless whether i have a job or not, I am gonna resign. In order to achieve what I want in life, I have to get out of my comfort zone, been there for too long. Looking at how I started my career, I was quite a dare-devil. I studied IT, but when into sales job in Malaysia. Money was good, stressed-level was high. But I am moving forward back then. Until the stressed level was too much to bear, I quit and moved to Singapore and joined the hotel industry. Not an easy life in Spore, money was no longer that good, but hell, job was easier to cope and managed. And I can see that my promotion is coming up, but sarcastically, I am stepping out now. I dunno whether my decision is correct, but i definately know that if i want what i want in life, i need to step out..

Fights

What do you think about this post? Have you been in a fight before? Well i did.. I mean those fight when you go one on one with another person, gang fights and stuff like that.. Why did i do that? Well, arguements.. And seriously i thought those stuff were cool in my younger days. Maybe i was rebelious, maybe i wanted to be recognize, and maybe i thought it was heroism..

Now reflecting back, I would often laugh at those stuff that i did back then. Childish enough, but it was those things that made me grow up, made me see things and understand things. I would say, I am still in a fight today. No, not those petty fights or arguements, but in the struggle to achieve my dreams, my ambitions. Looking at the path that I have gone through, well, sometimes i do things that the fights during my younger day are so much more innocent. As you grow up, you tend to realize that every action that you take, does affect the people around you. You tend to be more rational of the actions that you take. Though the "fights" that i am in today are much tougher.. well, what am i saying? Road to success are never easy arent they? I would say that I wouldnt be too happy if all my dreams can be achieved by now. Life would be boring then. As of now, I am enjoying the road that i have chosen, though its not a pleasant one,at all! But at least it broaden up my horizon, and I know one day.. the day for me to unlock my dream, shall come..

Is life fair?

So what do you think? Is life fair? Is there such thing as fairness in life? I think this is one of those century old question that have yet to have any answers. Its the same as asking is there a hen before an egg or vice versa.

The reason i am writing this is because i have been noticing something quite interesting around me.. i mean us.. at least those that was born and stayed in Malaysia or Singapore..

Its about food.. yeah, ya heard me right.. Its food!! When I looked around me, there are always abundances of food around us, 24hrs coffee shops, Hypermart, Food courts, fancy restaurants and the lists go on and on.. It ponders me, what do the people do with all the leftovers by the end of the day? Looking at the quantity of food that was prepared, I seriously have doubts that all this food would be completely sold out by the end of day. Yet, when the next sunrise comes, new and fresh food would be prepared. Then what about the leftovers? Thrown away i supposed.. It really ponders me, if all these leftovers can be sent on time to those countries that is suffering from poverty and could hardly have any food to eat.. would poverty still exists? Will children still dies of hunger? So.. is life fair? Or its just fair to us because we are born under a nation that have limitless provision of food ( at least for the time being). You be the judged..

Doubts

I m sure everyone of us has this thing in us.. yeah, its called doubt. When will you start doubting yourself? When you have not enough confidence I supposed.. Or was it when you try n try n try.. even you yourself has lost counts of the time that you stand up n fight.. But nevertheless, the things that you kept on fighting for had never comes your way.. Yeah, thats exactly whats happening to me now.. N i started to have this doubting feeling in me, period..

I m starting to lost my direction.. Trying not to think n keep on fighting.. But the doubting feeling is getting stronger as each day passed.. I m starting to ask myself, am I doing the right thing? Well, sure.. along the way you will hear encouraging voices like " You dont get it because there are something better waiting for you, just hav faith" Faith? Sometimes i can only laugh to myself silently when i hear this word coming my way.. Yeah, maybe faith does eliminates doubts.. But how long can you hold on to your faith when the fighting spirit in you are draining out....

Stoned...

No.. not from alcohol.. I really hoped that it was alcohol that made me stoned but hell no.. I m still on night shift job.. Seriously.. I m feeling so stoned.. As though as my body react without any thoughts or soul.. Maybe I didnt get enough rest earlier... Fucked it, whatever the reason.. I really wanna know when I can quit this job.. Hospitality line sucks big time as I m no longer interested anymore.. Yeah, the paychecks kill my day each n everytime.. The funny thing is, I still cant leave without it.. Damn, life is all about choices, i know.. But whose gonna feed me when i dun hav anymore greens left in my accounts? No, I m not broke yet.. Just fighting as a veteran every month.. Fuck..